15 Things Every Man Should Do Before Getting Married

Chloe + Caleb by Hawkins Creative


Men are not growing up. 

Modern culture devalues marriage in the highest degree, and young men aren’t growing up until they’re thirty. The average age of marriage in the US is 27 for females and 29 for males. (My grandparents got married at 15 and 17.) There’s a host of reasons for this trend, but I believe immaturity, laziness and promiscuity are the biggest causes. We’ve created a culture of men who just do nothing except whatever they want whenever the want and thus never grow into who they are meant to be and never become the servants that our generation needs!

I recently read an article entitled 21 Experiences Every Man Should Have Before Marriage. On the list? Date around, Have sex. Date online, Spend all your money, etc. etc. etc.

It’s this very mindset (have sex, date around, cuss your brains out, spend all your cash and drink the night away because one day you’ll have to grow up) that prevents men from doing that very thing: GROWING UP!

I want to bring some truth to the table regarding young men and what they should REALLY give their time to in their unmarried life. Young men, it’s time to GROW UP!

Here are 15 things I believe every man should do before getting married.(I’ll give you a hint, It’s not being a party-frat boy)

  1. Meet Jesus.

Don’t just meet him, be saved by him. Trust me, you’re not that great and she doesn’t want to be married to you. You suck. You would live in a pig-stye and watch marvel movies all-day long if she let you. She needs a man that loves her unconditionally and serves her even when she fights him. She wants to be married to Christ even if she doesn’t know it! Not to mention you just need his saving grace FOR YOURSELF!

  1. Work!

We are encountering the most entitlement-minded generation this country   has ever seen. When you marry one day, it will be your job to provide for your bride. If you haven’t got a J-O-B, you aren’t even in the game yet.

  1. Finish Something.

Something! JUST SOMETHING! College, vocational training, rehab, an   internship, a bible school, a webinar, you name it! Start something, stick with it, learn something, and finish it! Sowing the seed of doing something and finishing well may be much more valuable in the long-run than what it is your doing to begin with!

  1. Wait

Don’t “date around” for the sake of dating around. Sure, when you’re out of high school and looking at getting married and you spot a pretty young lady, take her out for coffee and don’t be a passive weirdo, but don’t waste    your teenage years telling a bunch of girls how much you love them when you’ve got nothing more than your mom’s minivan and 10 borrowed bucks to        pay for one movie ticket. You’ll do much better to spend time with friends and grow into a man they want to marry when it’s time!

  1. Learn Something

You need to learn something. Something that sets you apart and separates    you from the pack. A trade, a skill, a degree, a mindset. Read a book, take a  course, get a mentor, but learn something and don’t just stop there. Learn lots of things! Learn how to learn early, so that you’ll always be growing!

  1. Save

Be a penny-hoarder. When you get a paycheck from your job, throw a few     bucks in the bank account. Pass up a hangout now and then. Start a 401k or lock up your money in a low interest cd just to get some return, but save some money. Saving is a habit and it’s not formed when your paycheck increases. Start young so you will save for life!

  1. Get a Vision

Your life is like a boat and your wife will have to jump on board. Saving money and learning something is like hoisting masts and plugging holes, but   if you have absolutely no idea where you’re going, there’s going to be a lot of frustration. Before you get married, shoot before you even start college, ask yourself this question: Where do I want to go? This solves a lot of problems   on the offset. Oh and just for free, ladies love a man who has a plan! She’s looking for an adventure, not just an existence.

  1. Serve in a Church

Don’t just “join a church.” Get off the bench and get in the game! Listening to  a man talk every week is great but Jesus said “Whoever wants to become first among you must be your slave.” – Matthew 20:27. Be a greeter, hold an offering bucket, start a small group, pick up trash. However you do it, serve     someone and not just in the church but also in the workplace and in your day-to-day life. Serving promotes, and you’ll want a promotion.

  1. Have FUN

This seems counter intuitive to what I’ve been laying out but surely you’ve   got to have some fun right? Look for a solid group of friends and paint the  town red. Once you get some kids you’ll need to be in by 10.

  1. Swap Friends for Family

Don’t just have some friends but find some brothers. I’m talking about a  group of men that have got your back for the long-haul. Not the ‘’ride-or-die” type pansies that the hip-hop culture promotes. They’ll sell you out quicker than you can say “sell.” No, Find a group of men that you can confide in and    receive from. You’ll need it on your journey.

  1. Find a Mentor

Let’s settle it right now. YOU DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING. And you won’t either. The old adage is true: “At 16 you know everything and at 26 you know nothing.” Get an older Godly man that will speak into you, encourage you, and rebuke you so that you can become refined into the man you want to be! Refusing a mentor is like refusing a life-vest.

  1. Live Pure

I don’t care what anyone says. Having sex before marriage is a BAD IDEA. It was not designed to be enjoyed outside of covenant. When you sow the seed of pre-marital sex and porn you’re just asking for trust issues, adultery, shame, and the very thing you hoped to avoid in the first place: NO sex. One day your wifey will want to know that you keep your pants up. If you     chase those petty pornified fantasies as a young man, you’ll only lust for   more after the wedding day. Lust is lust, and it’s never satisfied. Trust me  and trust God. It’s worth the wait.

  1. Make a Plan.

Don’t just have a vision, figure out how you’re going there! You’ll be tweaking this along the way but making plans is a process and a greatly needed one at that. Be the master planner of your home in finance, fun, career, family and so on.

  1. Love your Momma

She’s your lady right now. Forget what culture says. How you treat that woman is how you’ll treat your bride. Go all out! By her lunch, give her a great mother’s day present and don’t be too arrogant to lean you 6 foot head down and give her a kiss on the forehead. LOVE your momma.

  1. Know the Bible.

You are not wise on your own. If you don’t seek the word of God you will fail and it will hurt. You’ll be throwing down on video games, eating Cheetos in your momma’s basement at age 30 without a penny to spare. Joshua 1:8 says that if you will meditate in the word day and night and do all that is written in it you will make your way prosperous and find good success. You wouldn’t fix a broken appliance without consulting the manual! (Well maybe you would. In that case you should read an article on fixing things.) Why would   you bank your life on experience? Take it from me: Don’t be the young man that sleeps and sloths his way around until at age 60 he comes to himself and    thinks, man, maybe I should do something with my life! I’ve met this guy, and he’s not happy. Get the word deep deep deep down in your soul, know it, fight for it, and live from it all the days of your life and this list won’t even be necessary.

So there you have it. 15 of possibly 1500 life lessons all young men need. I’m urging you, go against the grain. Don’t squander your future so you can indulge today. Don’t be the lazy, pot-smoking, video-game addicted, arrogant, drinking, teenage love-bug that loses in the long-haul. Build something. Dream! Fight for your future! Be the man that God has destined for you to be!

Thanks for the read! For more resources, check out my brand new blogsite, jarredmoss.com ! And follow my blog for my latest writings and devotionals! You won’t regret it! 

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47 thoughts on “15 Things Every Man Should Do Before Getting Married

  1. Amen to that Jarred. I just wish I had someone sit me down when I was a much younger man and show me a list like this. The only thing i would add is that, this day in age this list could be titled 15 Things Every Man and Woman Should Do Before Getting Married. These are wise words that will carry younger generations a long ways on the road to attaining true adulthood.

    • Hey Shannon!

      Glad you enjoyed it 🙂 I totally agree with you on the women thing as well. I’ve had several women make that same comment on reading it. It’s for everyone!

      God Bless you Brother! 🙂

  2. What an ignorant load of bull. Few of these actually have anything to do with being an adult but are rather ways to conform to you narrow minded view of what it means to be a man. Newsflash, not everyone needs to share your values to be a “grown up”. Besides several of your points being redundant, the only one’s that have anything to do with acting like an adult are 2,3,5-7, and those first two are just self-explanatory. Part of growing up is learning to embrace the differences between people and discounting anyone who doesn’t conform to your beliefs and expectations is very childish. Also, there is so much to be learned about others, about the true nature of love, and about one’s self by being with different people with different ideas and values. Limiting one’s experience does nothing to help one mature. I pity any boy who heeds your advice on what it means to grow up as they’ll grow into, not their own man, but rather your cookie cutter mold of what it means to be a man, and they’ll know very little about the world or themselves. I know I’ll be flamed for this because most anyone with any sense would have stopped reading when you claimed that to be a man one must embrace your religion.

    • Hey Cameron!

      Thanks so much for your feedback! I value it and will consider it moving forward.

      I guess my only question in response would be, “How many principles can we extract from all walks of life?” I could give a multi-view approach and write a piece called “15,000 things a man may choose to do before getting married,” compiled from the viewpoints of Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Atheism, Buddhism, New-Age, Satanism, or just cultural standpoints. But then I wouldn’t be standing for anything. We either do whatever we want and learn from our mistakes, or we pick a playbook and stick to it. I’ve just happened to go with door number 2, my book of course being the Bible, and I’ve found a lot of Joy on that path whereas I experienced a lot of pain on the other. It’s obviously written through my lens, but it’s the lens God’s given me to write through. I appreciate this comment though! It helps to hear a rebuttal.

      Love you man. Please check back often and feel free to interact! 🙂
      John 3:16

      • I apologize if my first post came off as hostile but it’s very offensive to see myself and many, many great people, both alive today and throughout history, labeled as immature on such an arbitrary basis. It’s not my intention to declaim your religious beliefs but surely you realize that there have been men of maturity, value, and wisdom in every culture and of every faith. Why not, rather than accounting for every belief system, simply extricate your criteria of what it means to be mature from any kind of religious basis. Also, how does limiting one’s dating experience help one learn what they truly value in partner or what what really makes them compatible with another? And what is your basis for claiming that a totally natural act, sex, is unnatural outside of a man made social construct? Marriage, and even monogamy, has only existed for a fraction of human existence.

      • I understand your position man, and no sweat about the hostile thing 😉

        Just to clarify, I’m a Christian and write all my posts through that worldview. If i rewound the clocks 10 years I would write it through a secular worldview. I’d readily own there is maturity taking place in various streams of the human race, but If I’m given a voice of influence in any regard, I obviously take my position to influence through my lens as anyone with an opinion would do. I strongly believe that faith in Christ and a relationship with Him is the means to true success both now and forever. To write anything else would be to lose the very voice I’ve been given and sacrifice any influence I have to begin with. That answer alone will answer all your questions. What I mean is that my views on dating, sex, marriage, service, church, religion, money, children, you name it, are all grounded in two things: 1. The bible 2. My Experience

        And in my experience, sex with multiple partners brings heartbreak, disillusionment, trust issues, and pain while abstinence and monogamy births a great sex life, friendship and joy. It’s not foolproof, but it seems to be the trend.

        In regards to dating, I’m mainly addressing young teenagers that fall in love with 6 people a year and go from partner to partner to partner with no vision. Having marriage as a backdrop helps thin the pool and bring the right person into focus.

        I can’t pretend to think and write from someone else’s experience and belief system so I don’t try. However, I always listen to feedback and varying opinions to help clarify my position and understand other points of view 🙂

        I’d love to chat about any questions you have regarding my opinions. feel free to shoot me an email at jarredmoss3@gmail.com.

  3. By your standards, Jesus was an abject failure.

    Did it occur to you before writing that there might be other reasons besides immaturity that delay marriage for young people these days, such as, perhaps, the economy of the last ten years?

    Are young men of the 1960s, 70s, and 80s and 90s, now as adults, all guilty of the same stupidity and irresponsible behavior? Young men haven’t drastically changed over the decades and neither the institution of marriage nor religion are under an immediate threat of disappearing. You also ignore the financial and personal devastation visited on men by family courts in divorce proceedings. The reality is that men are fleeing marriage not because of immature narcissism, as you describe, but, because of female entitlement and the threat of financial ruin.

    So, like the Apostle Paul, are you simply being a scold for scolding’s sake?

    • Hi Patrick!

      I appreciate your comment! Thanks for taking interest and giving feedback.

      If you’ll re-read my introduction, you’ll see that i included a brief detail: “There’s a host of reasons for this trend, but I believe immaturity, laziness and promiscuity are the biggest causes.”

      There’s a host of reasons . . .

      That definitely includes economic collapse, feminism, etc. I think the one thing we could disagree with is that young men HAVE changed over history. Not necessarily their desires and sinfulness, but the culture around them causes them to conform. I would just reason that the explosion of pornography makes it a lot more simple for a man to seek cheap sexual fulfillment and the illusion of emotional connection without having to sweat twice as hard to buy a ring. And a lot of the feminist movement your referencing flourished during the sexual/drug revolution. There’s a lot at play in the culture, but I’d highlight that I wrote this in response to a piece I read which encouraged things like having threesomes and binging on video games before marriage, so my writing obviously comes from that angle 🙂

      As far as the scold for scolding’s sake, I can’t really answer that question. I’ll be the writer. You be the judge. Feel free to check back anytime or shoot me an email with any questions you have 🙂

      Thanks for your view and your comment!

      J

      • I’m sorry, but are you saying that the rise in feminism has caused boys to act so immature? Because that’s what it seems like. And if you are, you clearly have NO idea what feminism means (and probably never will) to women AND to men in our culture. I would love to see a world where men and women are not forced into these small cages of societal expectations. It would allow people to be more of themselves and to be happier, because I guarantee you one thing, there will always be men who are strong and who step up to the plate without having to follow your rule list. There should be a disclaimer that says these rules aren’t the ONLY way to success. It just seems very narrow-minded.

        -L

      • Hi Lily,

        Good to hear from you! I’ll just note that comment was in response to a comment that exalted the feminist movement as a primary reason men aren’t getting married, growing up, etc. I don’t believe it’s one of the Biggest reasons but certainly in play. It’s a two-way street. 50 years ago men weren’t addicted to internet pornography and were also out of the house early working. On the same coin, women looked for a husband and sought to respect Him. Cosmopolitan and Pop Culture teach women to have casual sex, work towards their career and just date around. It wasn’t that case at one point. The last half-century has bred a group of men who find less use for women and women who don’t find as much use for men. In regards to the disclaimer, If I were to believe that, then this wouldn’t really be “15 things EVERY man SHOULD do…” and then I wouldn’t have any reason to write this blog. Thanks for your feedback!

        Jarred

      • Thank you for your comment back. Okay, let me just start with the basics or let me advise you to really study on women’s history instead of only focusing on the 50’s. It was just recently that women didn’t have to marry in order to be successful. Marriages were how women sought a comfortable life, they HAD to marry, they didn’t have any other option. This of course lead to many unhappy relationships. You know how you feel a need to have a purpose? Well guess what… so do women. Shocker, isn’t it?
        And yes, our purposes can be a little different from men, such as wanting to be a mom, or other figure like that. You see, in the fifties (and I am quoting from Betty Freidan’s book The Feminine Mystique, which she surveyed households of women for data) there was this the thing called the problem with no name. Basically, women who were confined to their homes, raising their children, cooking, cleaning, whatever have you, they felt restless, like that had no deeper purposes. As for the whole pornography not being available, you are right on that one. You know why? THERE WASN”T ANY COMPUTERS! You know what men did instead? They cheated on their spouses. So which is better? Eh. There really isn’t a contest, they’re both pretty bad in themselves. But you seem to neglect the other historical references to the women’s suffrage movement. The 20’s? The late 19th centuries? Please, let me just ask for fun, are you the type of man that would deny a woman equal pay for the same job? Hmm. You know, there are women in our society that have to have a job, that also either has had their spouses leaving or dying on them AND possibly leaving them with bunches of children. If it were you, thinking about the financial burden, wouldn’t YOU want equal pay? So you could not only take care of yourself and provide for you kids? I mean… doesn’t that seem fair? So, if you are going to be preachy, then I am going to be preachy. Study your history before you talk about things that seem to effect men’s responsibility. Marriage doesn’t always lead to happiness, in fact some can be quite miserable. The fifties was not a good thing for women or men.

      • Understood.
        I would note that men can’t cheat on their spouses and fornicate as easily as they can pull up a computer screen five times a day within 15 seconds and masturbate. It’s a little different.. maybe just a little… but different. I won’t pretend to know a large amount about the feminist movement because i don’t. I would like to just once again reiterate that this blog wasn’t about feminism and still isn’t. It was about men. I’d encourage you to write a blog post about the feminist movement and the great things it has accomplished. I will read it and probably learn a thing or two!
        Blessings!

  4. Great article!!! The only problem is you have left out one vital relationship in your description of the cornerstones of a young mans life.

    Our society has deminished and mocked the role of a being an involved and dedicated father. Scripture is filled with examples of the impact and influence a father has on the stability of a family.

    Again, it was a great article with a lot of great points. I’m just adding that the role of an involved and loving father figure in a young mans life demonstrating and living out servant leadership is a major cornerstone. This relationship seems to have been forgotten even in church circles.

    • Hey Jeff! Thanks so much for your feedback. You are SO right!!! I’ve had that same thought after I posted this. Definitely an article on that coming sometime soon. God Bless you and thanks for your interaction!
      – Jarred

  5. Jarred,

    I assumed from your article that you were a little more “seasoned” until I saw your photo on the “about me” page. Most don’t understand the value of the 15 items you listed until later in life.

    I would like to congratulate you on your loving, peaceable, and mature responses to those with dissenting views.

    Keep up the good work, young man!

  6. Jarred,
    Just saying how encouraging this was to read as a young lady who’s trying to follow those same goals and strive towards Christ. Your post was excellent, and so wise. And your calm and helpful responses are so respectable. God bless.

    • Hi Kristy!

      It’s great to hear from you. Thanks so much for the comment! I’m glad you found this post encouraging! God has great things planned for you! And His grace is sufficient. Keep it up 🙂 Thanks again! God Bless.

  7. Jerred,
    I’ll start off by saying I do agree with some of your points stated in this article. It is good to see a guy your age have values and strong work ethic. One thing I want to add to your list is common sense. It seems as if that phrase is almost lost these days. I want to first share with you that I am not a religious person. I grew up in a household that was in and out of the church. I know both sides and do not stand on one side of the fence in any way. My morals that I strongly live by is treat everyone equal and love everyone. Just as God and Jesus did right?? Now getting to my point. For you to tell someone that if they don’t have the bible in their life they will end up playing video games in the moms basement while eating delicious Cheetos is quite judgemental, contradicting, and very opinionated! Should I keep going with a list of 15 of my opinions on your article? I won’t, cause they are my opinions. I would just like to ask you what you have done or what makes it right for you to discriminate and judge someone that is into that? Being the religious man you are I find that quite contradicting. The guy that is eating Cheetos and gaming could have a heart of gold and do more for a community then any opinionated religious writer. Just because that person has different interests and BELIEFS as you makes him a low life? And yes I wanted BELIEFS to stand out Jerred, because that is exactly what you opinions are. Am I one of the gamers you speak of? No, not in the slightest. If you want my opinion, I would much rather be having a ball with them eating Cheetos then judging good people because they may not believe the same as you. I’ll be honest with you Jerred, I’m trying to get involved in the church but people like you are keeping me out of it. I’m a 26 year old man that is proud as can be about where is at in my life. I have never picked up a bible. My goal is to treat people how I want to be treated. That is with love and respect! Respect, that’s another one I would add to your list. I don’t care if your a 25 year old doctor that makes 400k a year. You have no right to put some below your level the way you did in your article. Keep trucking Jerred, people obviously like you and the words you write. I just hope this comment will possibly make you look at that “low life” you speak of differently next time. Good luck!
    Trevor Nelson

    • Hi Trevor!
      Thanks for bringing that up. For real I really appreciate it! It’s never my intent to come off judgmental or hateful and its a breath of fresh air when I hear how I can change my tone as such. I will say regarding the “video games, cheetos” example my aim wasn’t to attack anyone who finds a hobby in that regard but to draw a strong lifestyle contradiction in regards to how society functions. Cheetos, video games, movie-binging, living with your parents, substance intake, all these things are the opposite of what success in servanthood looks like (Working hard, paying bills, raising a family, etc.) And whatever one’s vice is, I find that unless we truly Seek first the Kingdom of God (Matt.6:33,) we will not find success. My apologies if I wasn’t clear on that. I’d like to encourage you to find a church if you want to go. Don’t let people like me keep you out. If you do that you’ll never attend a church. The old adage is true: If you find the perfect church, don’t join it or you’ll mess it all up. Not going to church because of the judgmental people is like not going to the gym because of the out of shape people. We’re all on a journey in our relationship with Christ. Relationship, that is, and not religion. Religion doesn’t allow mistakes. Relationship allows room for error. But both categories still have to teach. More on that later. God bless you Trevor. I hope you find a great Church to get planted in and grow in your walk with Him. Thanks so much for you feedback!

      J

  8. jared this reading this was like a breath of fresh air. thank you for reading and id like you to know as a Christian im so proud of you. the eay you responded is the way one should. you absolutely hit the nail on the head.

    patric- please explain how jesus was a failure acording to the list.

    • Hey Joshua!

      Thanks so much for reading and in glad it was a breath of fresh air to you!! Love to hear that 🙂

      In regards to Patrick’s comment, I’m assuming he means the fact that Jesus never married.

      Anyhow, God bless you! 🙂

      J

  9. Thank you so much Jarred Moss. I value your support and wisdom from God. It is a tough world to stand tall in our faith and I applaud you. Thank you for staying loyal and positive!! It is painful to read others’ harsh responses but God never said it would be easy, did he? Keep chugging! With love,
    Megan

  10. I have read several articles over the past year or so, all liked or reposted by family or friends of mine who prescribe much more closely to a pre-set version of Christianity than attempting to set about meeting Christ and coming to know Him on their own terms, rather than by a list of guidelines that someone 100+ years ago said, “This is how you have to know the Lord to be saved.” While I can say that your blog is thoughtful and respectfully written, I, in turn, am respectfully disagreeing with some of your points. Obviously, rom-coms since time began have sold us on this idea of the first-love-is-IT illusion. And in an idyllic world, who wouldn’t love to just find and KNOW that the person in front of you is the ONE God created just for you, and you can live happily ever after? I’d love to… Purity or not aside, even if you’ve made a covenant for yourself to stay chaste til marriage (personal choices for individual people, not opening that can of worms), people *grow up*, they change, they *do* get educations or careers, and those will inevitably change life view points and personal convictions, on an array of topics and life issues. So, just because someone “dates around,” does NOT mean that they’re any less mature or more ill-equipped to hold and adhere to a monogamous relationship… It may just mean that they came further down the road with this person or that person, and as time goes on, they decide, hopefully mutually, that their exclusive time together has come to a close. And, then pain and/or heartbreak will probably follow. That’s part of life. You will never be immune from it, I don’t care what walk of life or religious view you hold to. Its part of growing up… And isnt that what you said this whole blog was supposed to be about? It sounds to me like you are looking down your nose at young people because they’ve “dated aIround,” when in all actuality, most of them have just realized, in a healthy manner, that the other person isn’t right for them. I sure would hate for you to judge me based on how many boyfriends I’ve had personally. I’d probably be labeled as immature, too. At least I’m not divorced, a single mother, or promiscuous. I just learned, by “dating around,” what I did and did not want or tolerate in a consensual relationship.
    Also, with so many young people going to school and coming out with, yes, a degree, but not able to procure a career because the economy is so soft, I would never judge someone based on the fact that they hadn’t “finished” something, I.e. schooling… Because economically, it might be better for them to work to “save,” so they can provide for themselves. You can’t provide for others if you CAN’T support yourself. B always comes after A… You can’t get to B without A. I guess I’m blessed to not have come in contact with you as a potential partner, because I feel that because I wouldn’t fit into this narrow-minded box that you’ve set forth to judge others by.
    And who wants to be stuck in a tiny pigeonhole that someone else has built for them? Certainly not me.

    • Hi Bailee!

      Thanks for your comment. Believe it or not, I actually agree with you alot more than you think I do.

      First, I don’t believe there is one perfect person for someone because people are not perfect. People change.

      I also don’t believe finishing something means college for everyone. I’m not a college grad nor do I have plans to be at this point in time. The thing that I wanted to do didn’t require a college education, so i didn’t do it 🙂

      I do think that dating is a great way to find someone to marry. I also think that dating without purpose is an absurd idea. That’s the majority of young people in this culture. Just date. Why? I ono, it’s fun! That’s not wise. Dating with marriage as the goal thins the pool and brings the right person into focus, rather than dating just based on campanionship.

      In regards to learning what you want in a partner through dating, I personally believe you don’t even have to date to figure that out. Now dating to find out whether or not that person is who you’re looking for is wise, and a whole different subject. But I don’t think practice-dating is a wise choice.

      In regards to your original statement. I don’t meet Christ on my terms, I met Him on His. He said “I am the way, the truth, and the life and no one comes to the father except through me. ” It says “Repent and be baptized every one of you for the remission of your sins, and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” There’s alot of decisions that we get to make on our own, how we are born again of the Spirit of God is not one of them. We do that His way, and we follow Him. He says stay chaste til marriage, so, as A Christian, or at least a believer of the Bible, we should buy in.

      As for the narrow tiny pigeonhole, all I can say I guess is that my wife, my daughter and I are very content with the one we live in 🙂
      God Bless you!

      Jarred

  11. Hi, Jarred,
    I read your article and absolutely loved it! I am also a woman and I was reading some of the comments here! Its good to know someone out there is willing to stand for what they believe! I too am a Christian. I agree on the secular and biblical worldviews. I did that and I also know the pain. I was saved at 16 but started really following my faith in the past 10-12 years. Thank you so much and may God Bless you on this!!!

  12. I quite agree with your thoughts here, as a single guy, over 30, on his own, employed, living these things out with the help of God, and still looking for someone.

    I will take exception to one minor detail, though–and, you sort of touched on it in an earlier comment, but it still bears stating: is it just requisite in every blog post like this that the played out video game stereotype be used? Does it just not occur to people on the other side of the blogosphere that well-adjusted, Christ-seeking individuals, both male and female, married and single, can and have found a perfectly acceptable hobby in this respect? Must we all be basement-dwelling Cheeto munchers with no job, no family, no sense of responsibility, no social life, ambition, discretion, discernment, or moral code?

    I’ve overstated the point, I know, but the example is overstated and overused within the Christian blogosphere in particular, and it honestly marks a blogger down a grade on my personal scale when they go with that default misnomer of a word-picture rather than articulating the point their driving at in a more accurate fashion.

    The Spirit of the post though, and the 15 points themselves, are spot-on. Good stuff.

    • Hey Brian, thank you so much for your opinion and let me just say you are so right. The video game thing carries such a strong stigma when in reality it can and is a hobby like any other. Many of us could over-indulge in sports, television, gambling, etc. in a much worse light but for some reason video games takes the hit. My apologies for making that same illustration.

  13. While I like the idea not all of these have much to do with maturity and many would equally apply to women as well as men. As you can imagine I disagree with the opening line in that it is so sexually exclusive to one gender. I see young women do much the same only theirs expresses itself more in the princess who want the white knight to come save her. Otherwise good principles but could apply to a lot of people of both sexes.

    Blessings and Cheers!!!

  14. I think it’s important to keep in mind that there are many men, especially in this economy, who want to work, but are unable to find a job. I have looked for a job for over three years, to no avail. To not be able to provide for myself is frustrating and humiliating in itself, but to be told that I can’t get married, or am not in the game yet, because of these unfortunate circumstances that are beyond my control, would only add to the frustration and humiliation. I don’t want to come across as confrontational, I just want to bring these things up, because honest and heartfelt convictions can still lead to making sweeping statements that can unintentionally cause emotional pain for those who are unable to meet up to certain standards. If I met the right girl, I believe that I could get married, trusting in God’s promise to provide all our needs. My part is simply to be faithful to continue to pursue one or more means of support for myself and my future family.

    • Thanks for that point of view TJ. I guess I should clarify, having a job as small as working in the back at McDonald’s is a good start. The point is being willing to work and doing something small even to start out, but I Definately understand your pain with the current economy. Getting a good job is tough! I pray the right opportunity comes your way, big or small! Bless you.

  15. Hey Jarred!

    First, I absolutely LOVED your article! I think to find a man who accomplished (or is accomplishing) the items on this list would be finding a man who has his own life together. It would communicate to me that our relationship wouldn’t be based off of an unhealthy co-dependency but we would be two wholes, joining completely lives together and not depending on the other to fill the needs that a spouse can’t fill. Also, if a guy has a vision AND plan before you marry, you’ll see more clearly if your lives are heading the same direction and compatible in the long haul. Thus lessening the chances of divorce. In my opinion. (; and nothing is as attractive as a man who loves Jesus in spirit and in truth and loves to serve others (in church, work, etc.). I could go on about each of the points but I’ll stop there.

    Second, and actually the whole reason I’m commenting (I seriously never comment on these things) is to commend you! I’ve been reading through the comments and your replies to them and I am amazed with your apologetic. Just as it says in 1 Peter 3:15, “…Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” Your responses have been exactly that. Gentle and respectful. But not once do you compromise your standards. I think that it is a wonderful and rare ability to defend your beliefs without coming off as hostile or disrespectful, also to be able to explain them easily. You certainly know what you’re talking about and why. So I wanted to thank you! Thank you for being a strong Christian, rooted and grounded in the truth, and able to communicate it properly even though not everyone likes what you’re saying.

    Again, this article was extraordinary. If I could teach a men’s class for the youth and young adults in my church, I would totally use your material.

    Keep up the great work!

  16. I agree with most of the main points listed (I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dating around. How else will you know that you’ve found the woman God wants you to be with?), but I think you come across as overly “You’re wrong, I’m right!” I understand that you want readers to get what you’re saying, but you act like you’ve got all the answers and did all of this flawlessly.

    Also, don’t put “hip hop culture” in such a bad light. It makes you sound judgmental.

    Otherwise, good article. I’ve got some growing up to do.

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